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Smoke and Mirrors
Many online dating apps are engaged in a bit of sleight of hand. On the surface, their purpose is to help you find a meaningful connection with a potential romantic partner. While in many cases they may do just that, it’s important to remember their business model is based on subscriptions. The mechanics of swiping and matching and browsing potential partners are finely tuned to play on the reward centers in your brain, like most social media.
Consider that many online dating apps are less interested in helping you find the love of your life, and more interested in tempting you to keep looking for a perfect match—based on little more than a parade of profile pictures.
Communication Barriers
As for communicating via IM and text, some people are better than others. Readers, for instance, and people who enjoy writing, may be able to articulate their thoughts and present them in a fashion that can be easily digested. However, many others will struggle; those with dyslexia or other learning differences, for example, might find written communication entirely inadequate for them. At the same time, text communication lacks the subtleties of face-to-face conversation; the tone in someone’s voice or the movements in their face may indicate dishonesty, discomfort, or other emotions.
Potential for Deception
Because online dating apps rely heavily on subscriptions, they don’t often do much work to screen the people using those apps. People may use old or Photoshopped pictures. It’s hard to know who you’re really talking to. Sometimes, dating sites don’t bother to enforce their standards. Dating apps often end up as hotbeds for scammers. Some people may be married or otherwise involved in a serious relationship already; others may be literal predators, seeking to perpetuate financial fraud after building up an online romance. It’s crucial to treat these new connections as strangers.
Increased Anxiety
Some folks find that online dating comes with an added dose of anxiety and pressure. Quick connections may seem great on the surface. Unfortunately, it also means there’s potential for repeated rejections, which can damage a person’s self-esteem and exacerbate feelings of anxiety. People with a natural sensitivity to rejection may feel they’re holding their wound over an open fire. In short, it’s important to remind yourself that most of your matches won’t pan out: rejection is likely the norm, rather than the exception.
Social Isolation
Another issue with online dating is that it happens in isolation. We don’t have friends or family around to help vet the people we’re interacting with. By the time we introduce our potential new love match to our friends and family in person, we may already be emotionally invested in the relationship. That dynamic often leads to covering up, dismissing, or excusing red flags. Because online dating takes place in the ether, it’s also easier for predators to isolate people via love bombing and romantic fantasy.
Schedule an Appointment
Are you struggling with the online dating scene? You’re not alone. Overwhelming choices often have a kind of paralyzing effect on our brains. The ability to form deep, long-lasting connections online doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Schedule a consultation today for anxiety therapy to learn more about how to make online dating work for you.
