We live in a world where expressing your sexuality is sometimes seen as negative. Instead of being encouraged to own their sexuality, many people feel shamed for it. Due to this, people learn to explore their sexuality through pornography, keeping it a secret. Because sexual release gives us a quick shot of dopamine, it’s one of the quickest ways to self-medicate for mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem.
As a result, porn addictions are one of the most common problems people—especially men—face in society today. The focus for this week’s blog post is going to explore how to recognize signs of a porn addiction and how to handle it.
Table of Contents
Recognizing the Signs
Almost by definition, sex is something that brings people together. If you lift the covers on human history, you’ll find steamy love affairs, romantic letters, erotic poetry, and all kinds of poetry and art dedicated to two people coming together for love, pleasure, and procreation. As a therapist, one of the most common problems couples bring is a mismatch in their libido and problems in the bedroom—and often porn is an important part of that equation.
Even for single folks, porn has a way of taking over. It diminishes our desire to connect. That dopamine button is easy to push. For a while, it makes us feel better…but over time, the high wears off. You need more and more, so you start hitting that button more frequently.
Someone may have an addiction to porn if:
- They sneak off at home or at work to look at porn.
- They find themselves staying in to look at porn instead of going out.
- It’s hard for them to get aroused without pornography.
- The behavior is getting riskier and riskier—like looking at porn while driving or in public.
If someone is in a committed relationship and their partner has a problem with pornography usage, it’s a sign that a larger conversation needs to happen. The partner who doesn’t have the addiction can feel lonely, undesirable, or frustrated over the whole experience.
Owning Up
Just like with alcoholism, drug addiction, or a gambling habit, the first step is acknowledging there is a problem. You have to be honest and open with yourself about the problem, or you won’t be able to address it. Instead of falling back on “everybody does it” as a justification, take a long look at how the behavior is affecting yourself and others.
Create Barriers
Identify when and where these risky behaviors are engaged and start putting up some guard rails to stay on track. Be honest about what you’re doing to hide your viewing habits.
- Add a web content filter to your phone or computer.
- Share your passwords with your spouse, so they can feel comfortable.
- Be open and honest when you’re getting the urge to use porn.
Practice Self-Kindness
Remember, addiction of any kind is usually about self-medication. If other parts of your life are getting you down, it’s time to work repairing those things instead of avoiding them. Don’t feel ashamed of your pornography use: recognize that before it was an addiction, it was an attempt to fill a void. We all make mistakes; what matters is that we do our best to make them right.
Get Counseling
Consider working with a therapist who can help guide you to a healthier relationship with your sexuality. Sex should be fun, not a source of shame! If you or your partner are struggling with porn addiction, don’t hesitate to reach out for support with sex therapy.
I can offer you a free, judgment-free zone, and help you move on from your addiction. Reach out to schedule a free consultation for sex addiction therapy.
